The Ugly – Shane Watson

Shane Watson [AUS]

Most cricketers have a WAG as a trophy wife. Shane Watson’s WAG uses him as a trophy wife.

Shane Watson used to be one of the most derided players on the circuit, despite not overstepping the mark much more than the average Aussie. He used to be in the treatment room more than on the pitch, as his fragile body succumbed to all sorts of ailments. At the same time, public opinion was not especially sympathetic to Watson, as he failed to live up to his potential when he did get a go. He also spent plenty of time in front of the camera for photoshoots not befitting of a tough-as-nails Australian cricketer.

Throw in a well-publicized Ashes night where he was scared out of his room by a “really scary” ghost, and you realise why this aspiring Adonis hasn’t always lived up to being a picture of masculinity.

Watson has improved dramatically as a cricketer in the past few years, transforming himself from a ‘bat a bit, bowl a bit, cry a lot’ cricketer into the best limited overs all-rounder in the world. Steadily, Watson is being afforded the respect that he deserves.

He has transformed into an excellent opening batsman in Tests, ODI’s and T20’s, despite his technique being especially suspect to the swinging ball. His bowling is military medium, but has improved markedly – his accuracy means that he can always be relied upon, and he only requires a hint of moisture in the pitch to become a deceptively dangerous first-change option.

Despite probably being attractive to ladies in an entirely metrosexual way, Shane Watson goes into ‘the ugly’, just because we know that if he sees this, he’ll lock himself up in his hotel room with a DVD of Pretty Woman and a box of tissues.

If Shane Watson was in a horror movie, he would be the douchebag jock who is the star of the high school American football team. In the second act, he gets his throat slit while being pleasured from Sarah Michelle Gellar in the back seat of his pick-up truck.

In the ultimate act of futility, when seeing the masked murderer arch his back with an ice-pick, Watson screams out in the most pathetic, girly way possible: “NOT THE FACE, ANYTHING BUT THE FACE!”

We love Shane Watson.

Almost as much as he loves himself.

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